WHY IS GAS SO EXPENSIVE?

According to the media, gas is now so expensive because the oil companies are changing, updating and modifying their refineries. They are converting into ethanol or into lima beans, or any other stupidity that they are trying to stick to us via television or printed news. Also because due to this conversion, the production is low, thus the offer is lower than what the market demands. It is a well known fact that when consumption is larger than production, prices go up. The basic idea and only truth is that all these big companies must make the same or higher profits than the previous year. THAT IS REALLY THE REASON FOR GAS PRICES TO BE SO HIGH. If Exxon-Mobil made 40 billion dollars last year, why should they make less this one? After all, the shareholders demand profits and the CEO of the company needs to buy another mansion or a new airplane. We, the stupid consumer, must pay for all those luxuries. In addition to that, at the end of the year we go to the magazine stand and purchase FORBES 500 to check who are the top 10 or 50, or 100 companies according to sales and profits. We are real masochists.

There is no point for me to prolong this commentary, with unnecessary data. You can obtain that via Google. Just enter "'OIL COMPANIES PROFITS", or anything else similar to that and you will scream of anger and disgust. My point here is not only to express my rage towards these greedy companies, but also to expose the television networks and most newspapers and magazines, that give us the news, fully massaged and distorted by these companies and commented by those so called economy experts. The "society of sheep" buys anything and everything they are told. They even find consolation when someone in the TV News, with a tremendous sense of relief, says: "If you think we have it bad here, look at Europe. Over there a gallon of gas is $7.00!
What they forget to mention is that in Europe the cars are mainly stick shift, smaller, with an average performance of 50 miles per gallon, and only used by most drivers on weekends, because public transportation is abundant, and it would be unthinkable to work more than 10 miles away from home. So to those reporters who make comparisons I suggest they do their research in detail before they open their mouths with appeasing comments.

The same way that Cindy Sheehan gave up on her quest to fight against the war in Iraq, because she realized she was alone on that fight when even the democrats in the Senate let her down, that same way, we have to give up on the gas issue. We will pay whatever those oil tycoons want because we don't have a system in this country that protects the consumer. We are at the bottom of the pyramid. Fortunately for the majority of the people, life is rosy and the mentality is so narrow that everything is accepted as long as we live in "The Greatest Country In The World".

ABSURDITY

I live in a development, built in 1998. When I purchased my house in 1999 , I decided to plant a hibiscus, some ruelias and a ficus tree in a medium/large planter. They are in a corner at the beginning of my paved roadway to the house main entrance. But they also are close to a fire hydrant, which was put there by the city during the building of this development.

Being that I am aware of the importance of a fire hydrant and considering that in case of fire my house can be easily protected by the proximity of this artifact, I would never ever commit the stupidity of blocking it with branches or any other unmovable obstacle.

Today, as I was secretly watering my plants with a watering can, (we have a drought in Broward county and since they do not give details about the current ban on the use of water, whether you can use a watering can or not, I try to do it very discreetly) someone with a cell phone in his hand approached me and asked me if I owned the house. My first reaction was one of caution. Who is this guy? Why is he asking me this question? It turned out that he was working for the company we hired to manage our development and he wanted me to get on the phone and talk to someone from his office. I guess he was confused and could not convey to me what he was sent to do. I gently grabbed his cell, and Susan (from the management company) explained to me that the Fire Marshall had been informed that I had branches, plants, flowers, you name it, around the fire hydrant. No need to describe my reaction and answer, of course, all within civility. The Fire Marshall, well mannered and easy to talk to (oddly enough I am not being ironic this time), told me to make sure to maintain a 7 feet clearance from the front and sides, and 4 feet 6 inches from the back of the hydrant. From my explanation he believed that there were no branches, etc. surrounding this hydrant. Therefore, no $250 fine was going to be imposed on the association for every day the "crime" was being committed by this "perpetrator". There was nothing blocking the hydrant, front or sides. But...some of my ruelias had to be chopped off, as well as three flexible branches from the hibiscus. I can imagine a big fat ass 350 lbs fireman trying to get in the back of the fire hydrant, disturbed by flimsy flower stems, 4 feet away only instead of 4 feet 6 inches, in order to connect the hose to the front of this hydrant. Wow! what a complicated maneuver to attach the hose! And to think that I always believed the easiest way to dock a hose to a fire hydrant was through the front, where the water jets out from!
By the way, there are no fat ass firemen. I was trying to make a point. If there is a job I respect is that of a fireman.

After I accomplished the killing of my flowers I was confronted with a bigger challenge...the ficus tree. Actually the tree trunk was exactly 54 inches away from the back of the hydrant, but not the pot! The pot was guilty by 3 inches.
How do you eliminate the pot without doing away with the tree? Simple, you don't. So this tired body of 66 years, with four herniated discs, got his electric saw and started sawing away. 40 minutes later the second killing came to an end. I even distributed the "remains" into three bundles, tied up and neatly placed by the bulk pick up side for Saturday. God forbid if I don't follow the rules, according to the book on that one too!

I remember, ever since I was a young man, I learned that plants have a life too
and that our planet needs to be respected and protected for if we don't we won't have a planet one day. I also remember that not all persons need to have a dog or a cat. Some could have plants. We make our choices, whatever the reasons might be. I also remember that laws were supposed to be made to protect us
and to maintain some sanity in our lives. Unfortunately, people who impose these laws, behind a desk, paper shufflers, are totally out of touch with reality
and sink in the lowest of the absurd. I can imagine what could happen if there was a law to eliminate all pets that shit all over the place and their owners do not pick up after them. Should these pets be put to death like the plants are? Of course not, that would be a criminal act! I, personally, would fine the owners. I guess there is a pronounced discrimination. A plant is dispensable. A pet is a member of the family.

Why am I so mad? Well, let's look at this scenario: Right at the entrance of my community there is family with two children. One young adolescent of about 11 years of age who walks her dog most of the times unleashed and most of the times shitting by my driveway. She does not pick up, even though she's been told many times to do it. If you call the police their answer is "We don't get involved in community problems". Too bad the political position of "Shit Marshall" does not exist yet. The other child is a 250 lbs ponytail teenager, who invites his friends to a pot-out party in front of my house where the guest parking, unfortunately, is located. The police has been called a few times, but these thugs keep coming back almost every Friday night, invited by the host thug. Before leaving they make sure to dispose of their fat-food (yes FAT, not fast) bags, right on the parking ground. Shouldn't the same spies sent by the city, every single day, to figure out how to fine law abiding citizens for 3 or 6 inches of flowers, stretching towards the back of a fire hydrant, send as well another squealer to get rid of these lower-than-insects humanoids?

BY THE BOOK

This happened not too long ago to a humble family applying for low cost living facilities through HUD (Department of Housing and Urban Development). I, personally have not checked the veracity of this story, but I truly believe the source where it came from. Life can be very cruel when you are desperately trying to make ends meet if you don't have the means and you are faced with the reality manipulated by bureaucrats.
In order not to disclose the identity of the characters in this true story, we shall name the head of household

being interviewed HOH, and the interviewer HUD

(I didn't have to think much about this one).

HOH: Good morning! I am here to apply for the Low-Rent apartment.

HUD: Hi. Please have a seat. Did you bring the documents required by law?

HOH: Yes. Here they are...my last Income Tax return...My last employment
check stub...My Social Security card...My Marriage Certificate and all
the other papers I was told to bring.

HUD: Let me see...Everything seems to be in order...Wait...is this your last
pay check stub? Is this weekly or biweekly?

HOH: Weekly

HUD: Oh, oh! I'm afraid you are making more money than what's required!
It's not much more...$54 for the year. You are not eligible. I am so
sorry!

HOH: What do you mean I don't qualify? Are you telling me that for fifty four
dollars I can't have the apartment?

HUD: I'm afraid so. Unfortunately you are over the set limit.

HOH: Can't you make an exception considering the amount?

HUD: I know how you feel. I am so terribly sorry, but there is nothing I can
do. Why don't you look for another job that pays just a dollar and
change less a week. That will bring your yearly income below the
limit.

(At this point, the conversation became irrelevant and the poor guy started walking out of the office, cursing more than his luck with probably some epithets, which I dare not to print here.)

Note: The "By-The-Book" bureaucratic mentality, enhanced by its master, the computer, made this particular HUD worker a total robotic being, totally stripped of any common sense and logical thinking.

WHY ISN'T OK TO SAY OK?

This is another true story. It happens everywhere in our country, where if your last name is McDonald you may have to ask permission to the junk food giant to use it. Leave it to our lawyers. They know how to protect their pockets with the big corporations. Anyway, that is not my story, but it relates to suing and protecting against suing. My story has to do with all the laws, rules and regulations that flood our daily lives. It has to do with the equally incomprehensible frivolous lawsuits. And it has to do with the fear of being sued, no matter how ridiculous the subject could be. This story is a consequence of what I have described before. It shows how the human being acts like a computer and strips "itself" of its conscience. It may not be a spectacular newsworthy story, as a matter of fact it is a common non-flashy insignificant one in the realm of things, like thousands of similar stories that never make it to the open. Here it is:

GOOD EVENING. I AM CALLING TO FIND OUT ABOUT MY FRIEND ROBERT LAMBERT. HE WAS OPERATED THIS AFTERNOON AND I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF HE IS OK.

WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE PATIENT?

LAMBERT, L-A-M-B-E-R-T, ROBERT

HE IS IN THE RECOVERY ROOM

IS HE OK?

SORRY WE CAN'T DIVULGE ANY INFORMATION

I DID NOT ASK YOU TO DIVULGE ANTYTHING. ALL I WANT YOU TO TELL ME IF HE IS OK!

ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THAT HE IS IN THE RECOVERY ROOM

YES I HEARD THAT BEFORE AND I KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T DIVULGE ANY DETAILS. JUST PLEASE TELL ME IF HE IS OK AFTER THE OPERATION!

I ALREADY TOLD YOU I CAN'T DIVULGE ANYTHING

YOU CAN'T TELL ME IF HE IS OK?

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT SIR.

Phone hanging after the word "Sir'

Note: All names have been changed or avoided to protect this writer from a frivolous lawsuit.(hey, you'll never know!)

"OR YOU MAY....."

Automatic recordings on cell phones are getting to a point beyond ridiculous.
This is what might eventually happen in the very near future when you call a cell phone number and the party you want to reach does not answer the call:

"AT THE TONE YOU MAY LISTEN TO MORE RECORDINGS, OR YOU MAY MAKE YOURSELF A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH; OR IF YOU CAN'T HOLD IT ANYMORE YOU MAY GO THE BATHROOM; OR YOU MAY SWEEP THE FLOORS; OR YOU MAY WATER YOUR PLANTS; OR IF YOUR PREFERENCE IS LISTENING TO MUSIC YOU MAY PRESS NUMBER 3 FOR A SELECTION, OR IF YOU NEED MORE TIME PRESS 6 AND YOU MAY START REMODELING YOUR HOUSE; OR YOU MAY......"

And this is what, as a consequence, you might want to do out of frustration....
...BANG! (Check first the law to make sure that shooting your phone with a gun, inside your house, is legal and can be considered self-defense)

EPISODE IV: THE DRIVERS’ LICENSE RENEWAL

(True Story)

Time to renew your Drivers license? Make sure you were not born in Africa, even though you lived in this country for 45 years and are a nationalized American citizen, and your original citizenship was/is European.
The Episode format, which is what you will read from now on in this saga of stupidities, is a dialog between the “by-the-book character” and the frustrated consumer. In this episode we’ll call the person renewing his drivers license PRL, and the person examining him DLE (drivers license employee).

DLE: Moses! (I wonder how many in the room got shaken up!
Thank God it wasn’t repeated twice…Moses… Moses!)

PRL: Moses Garcia?

DLE: Yes...over here. Did you bring your American
passport and Social Security card?

PRL: Yes, here they are…

DLE: Where were you born? (As if the passport did not show it)

PRL: In Tunisia, Africa (very important to mention the continent, as
knowledge of world geography in the USA is apparently non existent).

DLE: Are you a registered voter?

PRL: ?????? (I must admit I was totally taken by this irrelevant question,
considering that the previous question did not make any sense either).
Yes,I registered a few years ago as an African-American.She looked at me
in disbelief as I am whiter than talcum powder. But since I was born in
Africa and I am now American I must be an African-American, or not? I was
waiting for the question to follow this one,such as…Republican or Democrat?
But it did not happen. I guess everything has a limit and she was probably
still digesting my African-American registration)

DLE: In case of emergency…who should be contacted?(So far the only relevant
question!)

PRL: (I gave her the name of my wife, and the address, and even her cellular
number). ICE… my wife...Esther

DLE: Her first name is ICE?

PRL: Oh, no. I’m sorry; I was reading her cell number from my cell. I can’t
remember it by heart! You know…ICE means In Case of Emergency.
(I guess she still did not understand and my wife name in their records
is now ICE ESTHER.That is definitely not going to improve my ”social” life
with her if she finds out I called her ICE.

DLE: Read the entire 4th line in front of you

PRL: XLVE BRTY….

DLE: You left the right side…

PRL: Sorry! (I can’t read it! It’s so blurry! I pull out my reading glasses and
put them on, Nothing! It’s even worse!)

DLE: Did you wear prescription glasses before?

PRL: Yes, but that was corrected when I had my cataracts operation. These
glasses are only for reading at home, but they don’t work here. Let me try
again without them. (Like lightning I think so fast I tilt my head to the
right and look with my left eye only. It works!)….. PZNC!
(She did not even bother to find out why I was not wearing glasses to
drive. I do wear them at night! I guess the Patriot Act enforcement is
more important than causing a traffic accident)

DLE: Do you swear that everything you have said is true?

PRL: I do. (Except for my need to wear glasses at night. But I’ve been told
never to volunteer to ad lib if the question has not been asked...except
for my African-American curve).

DLE: Stand back and look at the camera. Smile. (I could not smile so I thought
of something ridiculous, such as this test/interrogation and almost
cracked!)OK. Take a seat until we call you.

PRL: (I obey as a way to show acceptance of my role as a sheep in this case, and
wait for 5 minutes…pretty good, I must admit!. They call my “Muslim” name
MOSES, and equally “Muslim” last name GARCIA. They hand me my new
Drivers License; good for 6 years.)

I believe I owe an explanation for my sarcasm. When you are born in the United States, you are an American Citizen, even if your name is Mohamed Hussein Omama (O’Mama in Irish?). So, according to the USA idiosyncrasy if you are born in Tunisia or Egypt, for instance, you are Tunisian or Egyptian! Even if your parents were from a European country and they happened to be in Africa or the Middle East on vacation or transferred by their company. Even if your name is MOSES GARCIA! It’s not the blood that counts. It’s the country where you were born! As if every country should think and have laws like we have here in the United States. How ridiculous is this?

Note: Although this is a true story, the names and countries have been changed to avoid hate mail (Hey! We live in a democracy and “Hate Mail” is part of freedom of speech), but mainly to allow at least one more drivers license renewal six years from now. PRL will continue being a registered voter, although the people he votes for are all for themselves and not for him. It is very important to be a member of the herd to enjoy this “democracy”.

"NINEITIS"

If you are still trying to pronounce the title of this article, try no more. It is pronounced NINE-ITIS, or inflamation of the 9 (number 9 ,that is).

Like all poisonous substances there is, fortunately, an antidote to temporarily eliminate "NINEITIS". It is called THE MUTE BUTTON. Unfortunately it only works to eliminate malignant sounds. It does not eradicate the visual part.
You might have guessed it already. I am talking about the cheap, lousy, loud and very often high speed-incomprehensible talk TV commercials, which some times may take up to 30 or 40% of the entire duration of the program you are watching.
Yes, that wonderful little button on your remote control.

All you have to do is press it for the entire duration of the stupid, moronic commercial, advertising a product that costs either 99 cents; or $9.99; or $99.99; or $999.99 and so on and so forth, not to mention the $19.99; $29.99; $39.99, etc. etc. I think you got the idea now.

Of course, this medication does not work on printed ads such as this below.
I personally avoid them by not buying the newspaper or magazine. Believe me I don't miss much reading, considering that almost half of the space in those papers or magazines is occupied by ads. The internet offers me all the reading I can absorbe and I can select the language too.

It seems to me that either these companies completely lack any creativity, or their marketing "geniouses" copy from their equally inept peers, thus creating an annoying invasion of the "9" in our lives. Also, it could be taken as a direct insult to our intelligence, believing that by showing one dollar less (or a penny) we feel we are paying much less.

Wouldn't be more honest and less insulting if a car dealer, for instance, (I chose this one because they are probably one of the most abominable culprits of "NINEITIS") would start advertising a monthly lease for $300, instead of $299? or if one of those screaming commercials (especially when you are finally falling asleep watching your favorite show or whatever) would round up a figure to the nearest 10 (did we learn that in school for nothing? Even Uncle Sam, allows you to do that!).
I think the guy on this picture heard me, but with that look and presence I woud not trust him!

I, for one, use the antidote to the max. My index finger is by far my strongest one pushing that mute button, although the middle one is running a close second when I think of the advertisers that consider us little less than Neanderthals. Hey, even the big oil companies don't mind if gas stations use this "wonderful" strategy of the "9"!

Unfortunately, there is no total cure in sight for this epidemic I call NINEITIS,
because to the advertising companies and the corporations that buy their ideas, we are just cattle. . . .

... A Society Of Sheep. . . .

There are other ways to avoid this bombardment of insults to our intelect. One of them is not to watch TV, although it could be interpreted as ostracism.

I know what you are thinking...How do we avoid "NINEITIS" at a store? We are physically there, no TV, and we see that all price tags are based on the number 9 at the end. We can't avoid it! But we can get even! Simply, pretend you forgot the price when the clerk at the register takes the item to scan it, and ask " How much is that item?". The answer will probably be $99.99 (or whatever with 99 cents). Your immediate reply: " Oh. Thank God! I was worried it would be at least $100!".

Look at his/her face when you say that!

It is priceless!

They are so brainwashed by their company policy that all of a sudden, with the best of our intentions, we have caused a short circuit in their brain!

Side Effects of "NINEITIS" (this is more or less how you get affected with these commercials):

.Vomiting
.Diarrhea
.Constipation
.Headaches
.Menstrual Cramps (ladies only, I hope)
.Blurred Vision
.Drowsiness
.Gambling (maybe?)

SO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR....USE THE MUTE BUTTON!

(Sorry, I can't help you with the visual, unless you want to wear those plastic eye-glasses they give you at the ophtalmologist after he dilutes your pupils for the next 6 hours)