SHE IS, AFTER ALL, QUEEN CRAB!

My dislike for Sarah Palin is evident in every blog where I mention her name, which in turn gives me a stomach pain. But I must make very clear that on the personal level I have no feelings towards her, neither good, nor bad. Indifference. On the political arena she is a vicious cold blooded bitch. I don't know how else to describe her. And because this presidential campaign is not about tits and legs, but about meat and eggs: about the economy and not about the anatomy, McCain's choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate was a huge mistake. She reminds me of an empty headed beauty pageant contestant, who in the heat of her enthusiasm would say any stupidity during her 2 minutes of fame on how to save our planet.

In this outrageous Republican campaign she shows up at a rally of morons who are hypnotized by her high heels and shiny lipstick, and she goes to work unleashing monstrous lies, and wrong facts about Obama. Her brainless crowds adore her and cheer and she gets comfortable and starts winking every five words to connect with those morons, who are still entitled to their opinion and preference. Let's not forget that in a democracy, even moronic people are entitled to their opinion and ideals.

I have been calling her Queen Crab. It's easy to know why, she is the maximum authority of Alaska. But now it happens that there are some
genealogists linking her to Princess Diana, as 10th cousin once removed.
(removed from what?). So after all Queen Crab belongs to the aristocracy? I let my imagination run wild and see a new dynasty in the White House, replacing the Bush one. The Crab Dynasty with McCain as the crabby old man and Palin the Queen Crab. And you thought we had hit bottom?
Fortunately, my imagination is only an excuse for this essay, and after this presidential freak show by Crabby and Crab with the nomination of Obama and Biden, this country will return to its senses and slowly but surely will start on the recovery road. A road where the economy is priority one, and where health care has to be defined as a right, not a responsibility.
What will Queen Crab do after both she and McCain go back to their "normal" lives? Can she still be Alaska's Governess? Will she ask that Kenyan voo-doo priest to perform another public exorcism on her?
Would she buy a new helicopter and ammunition to hunt some more wolves, caribous and extinct species? Will she go to France and hunt Brigitte Bardot for calling her a "disgrace to women" and "stupid"?
Or, now that she thinks she is related to Prince Andrew of England, will
she try to change her demeanor to adjust to her new aristocratic role?

It is hard to determine what she will do after her quick rise and fall from the presidential campaign. To me, she will always be Queen Crab more than Princess Palin. After all she is already known as The Barracuda and the Pit Bull. One more animal reference to her won't change anything.

THE DE"BAIT"

Throughout a couple of lopsided interviews we were able to witness the wit of a professional versus the ignorance of a hick. But that "aperitif" was obviously not enough to satiate our hunger. We needed a debate to catch our Alaskan fish. The De"bait" adventure was the hook line and "stinker" needed to confirm this was a no contest. A real pro, Biden, facing Queen Crab. The crab was lost the moment she opened her mouth. (Queen Crab or Barracuda, same big mouth)

It is, nevertheless, worthy of a Broadway comedy. Here is my version:

"Ladies and gentlemen please welcome....blah, blah, blah."
(Applause). "Can I call you Joe?"

From now on all I am going to quote and satirized are the barrage of cliches by the Hockey Mom Joe 6-pack candidate.

1st question from the moderator:

What is your take on the Wall Street "Rescue Plan"? (or something like that)

" Golly Gee, Fannie and Fred...what a messy couple! They screw up and we have to bail them out! Let them sort their problems in their own intimacy rather than looking for a divorce. A marriage is a sacred union between a macho and his woman and God wants it that way. I do take issue. (wink)"
Interpretation of that statement by intelligent audience: ???????

2nd question:
What is your agenda on the economy?
" I took on those big oil companies in Alaska, Doggone it! Drill,baby drill!
(wink). Blah,blah,blah,blah,We are a team of Mavericks and will not allow drilling in Wasilla. I have lots of memorabilia there hanging on my walls above the fireplace. Those are my precious awards. They can drill anywhere else in the State. That's Maverick! The east coast politicians don't like us, blah, blah, blah. (wink, wink)

same audience: ???????

3rd question:
What would you take away from your campaign, if you had a choice?
Mavericks don't look back. We are the future. We are the reform. We cross the line and reach out to the enemy and convert them into mavericks. This country when we are in the White House will be a country of Mavericks! (triple wink)

4th question:
Do you agree with same sex joint ownership of property?
"I take issue" on that subject. Darn it! Not that I am against homos and lesbians, they have a right to express their own vices and sins...but, although tolerance is part of my virtues, I totally disagree with guaranteeing same rights to those perverts, but as I said, tolerance is the key word, doggonit. "We walk the walk not just talk the talk", blah, blah, blah,
(quadruple wink).
again the TV intelligent viewers: ??????

5th question:
What about the Iraq war and your position on foreign policy?
Hey, we are winning and we will not leave until we completely win. Mavericks, and you know that McCane* and I are a team of Mavericks, don't quit like you know who, those sissies from the Northeast. Give me Victory or give me Death, or you know, whatever Patrick Ewing* said. And John knows how to win a war, he is a real Maverick, Now, "here you you go again,Joe", "Say it ain't so Joe", your plan is "A white flag of surrender". "We walk the walk, not talk the talk", "Don't ask what your country can do for you...", "With great power comes great responsibility"
blah, blah, blah.
(double wink, pause, double wink)

reaction from viewers: ????????????

6th question:
Would you sit down to talk to our adversaries?
Yes, a maverick can talk to them sitting down or standing. No difference on that. I can take on anyone, as long as there is a pre-condition first which will have to consist on accepting anything we demand, and with the understanding that they have to destroy all their weapons first, "nukular" or otherwise, and that they all convert to Evangelicals. Once those conditions are met I, with my running mate McPain, will be willing to accept their pleas and grant them our pardon. We can do that because we have an army of Mavericks ready to declare war to Iran, or China, or Russia, or North Vietnam, or Venezuela. We are not like those boys in Congress, who congratulate each other and pad themselves on the back. I am a Washington outsider, a reformer with results!
(triple wink followed by a grimace of pain from winking so much)

same reaction: ????????

7th question:
What is your description of the Vice president job?
When I get to the White House, the first thing I am going to do with McMaverick is to change the color. White is not a hockey mom, Joe six-pack color. We like strong colors, strong and foxy, like me. We are debating between purple and red or maybe a combination of both. I know that for changes to happen we need to give the vice presidency more powers. Take for instance Iraq, where Bin Laden and most of the AlQeida people are building "nukular" weapons, The Vice president needs more power to accompany the President and destroy them. We are Mavericks and can do the job as a team, the two us, doggone it! I bet ya!
(multiple winks, Morse style)

TV audience: ????????????

Blogger notes:
There were other questions but I was so engaged on her parrotical spellingbee totally wrong answers, and her gestures, winks, nudges, etc. that I tuned off for a while in order to appreciate the good things in life as a buffer or antidote.
Palin was cartoonish, true to herself thus looking like a fake, gimmicky, a recorded tape of cliches, reciting everything they penetrated in her diminutive brain. Doesn't she have a baby sitter for her poor sacrificed baby?

When Biden chocked talking about his first wife and children's car accident, she didn't even show an iota of emotions. She showed us who she really was, a cold fish full of ambitions, ignorant and having the ride of her life in her own Disney World. She is a "Nukular" bomb ready to explode, who, if she keeps opening her mouth could , for our sake, implode instead.
I need to clarify to my Republican readers, that Patrick Ewing was a basketball player, and that I know how to spell McCain, in this instance McCANE as it relates sometimes to old age, and that all the wrong quotations by Hockey Mom Palin, whether she said them or not, fit her profile in this comedy.
And finally...PLEASE! Will someone tell these politicians from hell that the word is NUCLEAR, not NUKULAR!!!!

WHAT COULD SAVE MCCAIN?

To those Republicans that might be reading my blog (I doubt that), yes, McCain is in real trouble. He may lose by a landslide, as the polls keep showing his downward fall, while Obama keeps going up with state and national polls. The maverick is getting thrashed and if this trend continues with 34 days to go, we may be witnessing a landslide by Obama.
But...and here is a big but...Don't underestimate the Republican trickery, they are full of ruses up their sleeves, and most of them dirty ones. I can think of the following ones:

(The picture above shows McCain hugging Bush, unrelated to this story, but related to his ideology)
( the above picture is definitely related to the story )
1.- Two weeks before election day the White House announces they have captured Osama Bin Laden, after following McCain's plan and secret advice.Of course, they don't divulge where they have Bin Laden and how they got him. Everything is TOP SECRET, and McCain is enjoying an incredible rise in the polls that puts him back in contention with high possibilities of winning it all. Am I implying that we have really captured Osama Bin Laden? Of course not! I am just putting myself in the shoes of the desperate Republicans who would not stop at anything to continue their quest for another four years of arrogance, ignorance, lies, and disdain.

2.- The failed bailout, now called " The Rescue Plan " for the second voting process, gets approved by Congress with the additional votes needed by the Republicans who voted against it the first time. The stock market feels the effect of that miraculous injection and shoots up like a rocket to the moon. The Republicans go on a ticket parade with their hero McCain and heroine (no punt intended) Palin as the parade Marshalls, throwing kisses and making all kind of hands and fingers waving at their adoring crowds in Missouri, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Texas, Kentucky...well, you know where. McCain's waiving somehow
handicapped as a consequence of his torturing suffered in Vietnam, and Palin's overcompensating with her fingers ballet-like movements. The Odd Couple on wheels.

3.- After a complete self-caused demise by Sarah Palin on her first and last debate against Biden, the Grand Ostrich Republican party (isn't the ostrich the animal that solves his problems by hiding his head in a hole?) will put enough pressure on McMaverick to dump Queen Crab back into the Alaska Seas and make it look like she decided to quit in order to attend her heavy, complicated, difficult and demanding PTA schedule. If McHero pulls this one, and hopefully for him not a la McGovern, who dumped his running mate Thomas F. Eagleton after 18 days of campaigning and then lost the elections, he may have a chance of creeping up the polls and still be a serious contender. Considering that at least three million Nascar fans, one million super senior Florida Jews (previously New York residents) scared to death about Obama being a Muslim who will support Palestinians over Israelis, the entire Miami Cuban population (about one million) lead by "the three licketeers" (the Diaz Balart brothers and Ileana Ros-Lehtinen), and at least another twenty million of "Hominis Ignoramus" troglodytes are strong McCain supporters, with or without Palin, the Palin Dumping is not a far fetched theory.

( Sarah Palin in Wonderland) (Will she get the boot?)

Unfortunately for the Republicans, Osama Bin Laden is still hiding among the Pakistani or Afghan goats, making it very difficult for the military K-9 dogs to differentiate the body odor. Obviously it is unfortunate for all of us that Bin Laden has not been caught and brought to justice. I want to make that clear before anyone jumps at my neck and goes for the jugular.
Also, to the Republicans disappointment, McCain will not be able to claim credit for the Rescue Plan, because Obama also contributed with his input to get this plan pass.
And finally, because it is a given that Sarah Palin has no clue about the rest of the world, or anything else, and McCain knew that from day one and regardless of that he chose her as his running mate. He must have his reasons because I don't think it is just to satisfy the Republican base. Therefore he is not going to ask her to go back to her wolves and caribou shooting or to her foreign neighbors watching from her window to acquire more foreign policy knowledge. He is stuck with her and both are going to go down these elections faster than an elephant in quick sand.
So sorry I lead you in, "my friends", into a horizon of great expectations. Did you think I was serious? McCain is politically doomed. Nothing can save him!

WHO'S IN CHARGE?

The Bailout Plan failed. Two third of the Republicans voted against the bill, in spite of "Heroic Maverick Efforts" by McPain.

That's too bad because I was already making plans with the profit sharing I was about to collect five years from now from this plan. Give me a break!

However, all things considered, I would had rather see the bailout bill pass to avoid this additional global warming doom. The only difference is that this economical one will be felt immediately.

With the announcement of the failed bill, the stock market fell almost 800 points in the USA. Other major world markets will fall to an unprecedented low too in the next 24 hours. The consequences of this could be fatal for many small businesses with massive layoffs and more damage to the already weak economy.

While all this is happening, many like me are wondering who is in charge of this country. Is it our Commander-in-Chief? The Democratic majority in Congress? The Republicans? Henry Paulson, the Treasury Secretary?
Exxon-Mobil's CEO? Walmart? Bank of America or Citigroup? WHO THE HELL IS IN CHARGE?

We are 305 million people, we have a president, a congress, 2 million lawyers (I just picked this number from a hat), some of the best economists in the world, and we can't solve this problem?

Someone in the Internet came up with an interesting idea. Instead of bailing out AIG and the other culprits why not giving every American over the age of 18 the sum of $360,000 each, after taxes. Yes, if you multiply this amount by about 200 million people you get at least 85 billion dollars. Imagine if we would get instead the prorate of the 700 billion dollars plan! We would all be close to the figure McCain estimated is the cap for our middle class citizen, about 4 million dollars. With that, Uncle Sam could make automatically 30%, no 1040s to fill up or any other complicated IRS papers, and everyone would jump with joy. The whole USA millionaire! Isn't that the dream of capitalism with the "trickle down" theory?

Of course, as good as it sounds, it does not work. My estimation is that of those 200 million people, at least half of them would quit their jobs, thus paralyzing industries, factories, construction, education, farm work, etc. etc. That in itself would already be the mother of all chaoses. Another 10% would move to a premature retirement in Florida, God no!
10% would probably use the money to buy a Testa Rossa Masserati or a Bentley (depending on their age) and other luxuries. 20% would probably get plastic surgery, you know, breast enlargement, face lifts, tummy tucks, sex change, and the like. The remaining responsible 10% might use that money to pay their mortgages, other debts and live happily ever after.
Therefore, I don't see that plan as a workable one to solve this crisis. WE NEED SOMEONE IN CHARGE! Someone with credibility and enough balls to hold the rains of this animal that is running amok, uncontrollable and overflowed with greed.
Will Congress finally agree on a bill that pleases both Democrats and Republicans? We already know it does not have to please us, but, as usual we'll take whatever they throw at us if it means it will stabilize this chaotic situation and people will not lose their jobs, their homes, their pensions, and their third world health care plans. Or perhaps on their next attempt, will the Republicans demand that Nancy Pelosi wear the same make up and eyeglasses as Sarah Palin in order to give them enough motivation to vote in favor of any other bailout package? We don't want these Republicans be offended a second time by the Speaker of the House, who blamed Bush and them for this mess, before the vote. She hurt their feelings! Which brings me to..."Country First", McCain's campaign theme. Apparently Congress Republicans don't seem to agree with their "Maverick", who also apparently, was not able to convince them to vote "yes". What a Maverick!

The picture we're looking at is not just about the market meltdown, it is more severe than that. It tells us that we are not capable to tackle a crisis as a united front without partidism. It also tell us that the Republican party with the presidential ticket they have been stuck with, are very unhappy and frustrated. To mention an example, all Republican Congressmen from Arizona, McCain's State, voted against the bill, that is, against McCain the Maverick, who almost cancelled his appearance in the first presidential debate to run to Washington for a superb convincing job to get them to vote for the bailout bill.

We also know who was at fault for this bill not to pass. Obama. You don't need any details. It was a statement made by McCain who will say anything to fill up his campaign speeches. Senility is a sad stage for a human being.

So, I go back to my blog title...WHO IS RUNNING THE SHOW?
Stay tune for more on the bailout saga on my next blog.

WILL THE REAL MCCAIN AND PALIN PLEASE STAND UP!

Do you remember that old TV game show that started in 1956 and went on every decade until 2002, called TO TELL THE TRUTH?

I happened to be one of the lucky contestants in the show aired in 1971. I was 30 years old then, and would do anything for attention. I was invited by CBS in New York because the main character was supposed to be a person with an unusual occupation or had done something noteworthy. In this occasion that main character was a hotel owner in Mexico City, who was simultaneously a bullfighter. The name is not important, especially because I don't remember it!
I was one of the two impostors, who had been invited to sit along with the real bullfighter and my mission was to answer questions by the panel made of four celebrities, and to lie as much as I could, but with total conviction, to the point where I personally would believe my own lies! It had to look real as the idea was to mislead the panel and get them to vote for me as the real character. Bottom line, I got 2 out of the 4 votes. The other impostor got one, and the real bullfighter also one. So I won $50 and an attache briefcase! Inflation, among other things, account for today's game shows that reward you with thousands of dollars. What a difference! (Cheap bastards!).

Anyway, as I said at the beginning of this story, I was 30 years old, energetic, always up to something new and always trying to impress someone, or me. That day of the show I was not even nervous and I felt it was a challenging thing to do, especially because I was going to make some money lying, kind of McCain's pattern. Imagine getting rewarded for not telling the truth just like in politics! I remember at one point of the questioning I was asked who was my favorite bullfighter and I, not knowing what to say, quickly gave the panel the name of my boss at work.
No way he was going to be watching that show! Wrong. He did. The first phone call I got the next morning at 9:01 was his. Fortunately, it was inconsequential and we both had a good laugh about it.

It doesn't work that way when one lies in real life to obtain what otherwise one would not have the capacity with his own credentials and means. As a matter of fact, besides hurting other people one would eventually hurt himself even more. That is, of course, if one had any principles.

I would love to recreate "To tell the truth" but with a Machiavellian twist. Instead of having a central character with an unusual occupation, I would
stick both McCain and Palin behind a long desk that would seat 4 people instead of 3. Both contestants would play musical chairs, occupying always a different chair as if they were different people. So two contestants and four characters with different answers all the time for the same questions. Kind of the real thing in the Republican ticket. And best of all, to maintain the essence of the show alive, all lies, which would look terribly natural with these two "characters"

At the end the celebrity panel would pose the famous question (with the necessary modification): "Will the real McCain and Palin please stand up!" What chair would they chose to stand up from? The confusion moving from one chair to another, standing up, sitting down, back and forth would create a total chaos and both the panel and the audience would crack up laughing at that ridiculous scene. I guess, kind of what's happening during the Republican campaign now, because neither one, after so many lies, know who they really are.

PS.
I don't have that briefcase anymore and I regret it today. It would have been a nice memento of a chapter of my life. As for McCain and Palin, when this is over and years go by, they will never lose their mementos. It is way inside them. It is their conscience. Was it worthy?