EPISODE IV: THE DRIVERS’ LICENSE RENEWAL

(True Story)

Time to renew your Drivers license? Make sure you were not born in Africa, even though you lived in this country for 45 years and are a nationalized American citizen, and your original citizenship was/is European.
The Episode format, which is what you will read from now on in this saga of stupidities, is a dialog between the “by-the-book character” and the frustrated consumer. In this episode we’ll call the person renewing his drivers license PRL, and the person examining him DLE (drivers license employee).

DLE: Moses! (I wonder how many in the room got shaken up!
Thank God it wasn’t repeated twice…Moses… Moses!)

PRL: Moses Garcia?

DLE: Yes...over here. Did you bring your American
passport and Social Security card?

PRL: Yes, here they are…

DLE: Where were you born? (As if the passport did not show it)

PRL: In Tunisia, Africa (very important to mention the continent, as
knowledge of world geography in the USA is apparently non existent).

DLE: Are you a registered voter?

PRL: ?????? (I must admit I was totally taken by this irrelevant question,
considering that the previous question did not make any sense either).
Yes,I registered a few years ago as an African-American.She looked at me
in disbelief as I am whiter than talcum powder. But since I was born in
Africa and I am now American I must be an African-American, or not? I was
waiting for the question to follow this one,such as…Republican or Democrat?
But it did not happen. I guess everything has a limit and she was probably
still digesting my African-American registration)

DLE: In case of emergency…who should be contacted?(So far the only relevant
question!)

PRL: (I gave her the name of my wife, and the address, and even her cellular
number). ICE… my wife...Esther

DLE: Her first name is ICE?

PRL: Oh, no. I’m sorry; I was reading her cell number from my cell. I can’t
remember it by heart! You know…ICE means In Case of Emergency.
(I guess she still did not understand and my wife name in their records
is now ICE ESTHER.That is definitely not going to improve my ”social” life
with her if she finds out I called her ICE.

DLE: Read the entire 4th line in front of you

PRL: XLVE BRTY….

DLE: You left the right side…

PRL: Sorry! (I can’t read it! It’s so blurry! I pull out my reading glasses and
put them on, Nothing! It’s even worse!)

DLE: Did you wear prescription glasses before?

PRL: Yes, but that was corrected when I had my cataracts operation. These
glasses are only for reading at home, but they don’t work here. Let me try
again without them. (Like lightning I think so fast I tilt my head to the
right and look with my left eye only. It works!)….. PZNC!
(She did not even bother to find out why I was not wearing glasses to
drive. I do wear them at night! I guess the Patriot Act enforcement is
more important than causing a traffic accident)

DLE: Do you swear that everything you have said is true?

PRL: I do. (Except for my need to wear glasses at night. But I’ve been told
never to volunteer to ad lib if the question has not been asked...except
for my African-American curve).

DLE: Stand back and look at the camera. Smile. (I could not smile so I thought
of something ridiculous, such as this test/interrogation and almost
cracked!)OK. Take a seat until we call you.

PRL: (I obey as a way to show acceptance of my role as a sheep in this case, and
wait for 5 minutes…pretty good, I must admit!. They call my “Muslim” name
MOSES, and equally “Muslim” last name GARCIA. They hand me my new
Drivers License; good for 6 years.)

I believe I owe an explanation for my sarcasm. When you are born in the United States, you are an American Citizen, even if your name is Mohamed Hussein Omama (O’Mama in Irish?). So, according to the USA idiosyncrasy if you are born in Tunisia or Egypt, for instance, you are Tunisian or Egyptian! Even if your parents were from a European country and they happened to be in Africa or the Middle East on vacation or transferred by their company. Even if your name is MOSES GARCIA! It’s not the blood that counts. It’s the country where you were born! As if every country should think and have laws like we have here in the United States. How ridiculous is this?

Note: Although this is a true story, the names and countries have been changed to avoid hate mail (Hey! We live in a democracy and “Hate Mail” is part of freedom of speech), but mainly to allow at least one more drivers license renewal six years from now. PRL will continue being a registered voter, although the people he votes for are all for themselves and not for him. It is very important to be a member of the herd to enjoy this “democracy”.