I live in a development, built in 1998. When I purchased my house in 1999 , I decided to plant a hibiscus, some ruelias and a ficus tree in a medium/large planter. They are in a corner at the beginning of my paved roadway to the house main entrance. But they also are close to a fire hydrant, which was put there by the city during the building of this development.
Being that I am aware of the importance of a fire hydrant and considering that in case of fire my house can be easily protected by the proximity of this artifact, I would never ever commit the stupidity of blocking it with branches or any other unmovable obstacle.
Today, as I was secretly watering my plants with a watering can, (we have a drought in Broward county and since they do not give details about the current ban on the use of water, whether you can use a watering can or not, I try to do it very discreetly) someone with a cell phone in his hand approached me and asked me if I owned the house. My first reaction was one of caution. Who is this guy? Why is he asking me this question? It turned out that he was working for the company we hired to manage our development and he wanted me to get on the phone and talk to someone from his office. I guess he was confused and could not convey to me what he was sent to do. I gently grabbed his cell, and Susan (from the management company) explained to me that the Fire Marshall had been informed that I had branches, plants, flowers, you name it, around the fire hydrant. No need to describe my reaction and answer, of course, all within civility. The Fire Marshall, well mannered and easy to talk to (oddly enough I am not being ironic this time), told me to make sure to maintain a 7 feet clearance from the front and sides, and 4 feet 6 inches from the back of the hydrant. From my explanation he believed that there were no branches, etc. surrounding this hydrant. Therefore, no $250 fine was going to be imposed on the association for every day the "crime" was being committed by this "perpetrator". There was nothing blocking the hydrant, front or sides. But...some of my ruelias had to be chopped off, as well as three flexible branches from the hibiscus. I can imagine a big fat ass 350 lbs fireman trying to get in the back of the fire hydrant, disturbed by flimsy flower stems, 4 feet away only instead of 4 feet 6 inches, in order to connect the hose to the front of this hydrant. Wow! what a complicated maneuver to attach the hose! And to think that I always believed the easiest way to dock a hose to a fire hydrant was through the front, where the water jets out from!
By the way, there are no fat ass firemen. I was trying to make a point. If there is a job I respect is that of a fireman.
After I accomplished the killing of my flowers I was confronted with a bigger challenge...the ficus tree. Actually the tree trunk was exactly 54 inches away from the back of the hydrant, but not the pot! The pot was guilty by 3 inches.
How do you eliminate the pot without doing away with the tree? Simple, you don't. So this tired body of 66 years, with four herniated discs, got his electric saw and started sawing away. 40 minutes later the second killing came to an end. I even distributed the "remains" into three bundles, tied up and neatly placed by the bulk pick up side for Saturday. God forbid if I don't follow the rules, according to the book on that one too!
I remember, ever since I was a young man, I learned that plants have a life too
and that our planet needs to be respected and protected for if we don't we won't have a planet one day. I also remember that not all persons need to have a dog or a cat. Some could have plants. We make our choices, whatever the reasons might be. I also remember that laws were supposed to be made to protect us
and to maintain some sanity in our lives. Unfortunately, people who impose these laws, behind a desk, paper shufflers, are totally out of touch with reality
and sink in the lowest of the absurd. I can imagine what could happen if there was a law to eliminate all pets that shit all over the place and their owners do not pick up after them. Should these pets be put to death like the plants are? Of course not, that would be a criminal act! I, personally, would fine the owners. I guess there is a pronounced discrimination. A plant is dispensable. A pet is a member of the family.
Why am I so mad? Well, let's look at this scenario: Right at the entrance of my community there is family with two children. One young adolescent of about 11 years of age who walks her dog most of the times unleashed and most of the times shitting by my driveway. She does not pick up, even though she's been told many times to do it. If you call the police their answer is "We don't get involved in community problems". Too bad the political position of "Shit Marshall" does not exist yet. The other child is a 250 lbs ponytail teenager, who invites his friends to a pot-out party in front of my house where the guest parking, unfortunately, is located. The police has been called a few times, but these thugs keep coming back almost every Friday night, invited by the host thug. Before leaving they make sure to dispose of their fat-food (yes FAT, not fast) bags, right on the parking ground. Shouldn't the same spies sent by the city, every single day, to figure out how to fine law abiding citizens for 3 or 6 inches of flowers, stretching towards the back of a fire hydrant, send as well another squealer to get rid of these lower-than-insects humanoids?
Being that I am aware of the importance of a fire hydrant and considering that in case of fire my house can be easily protected by the proximity of this artifact, I would never ever commit the stupidity of blocking it with branches or any other unmovable obstacle.
Today, as I was secretly watering my plants with a watering can, (we have a drought in Broward county and since they do not give details about the current ban on the use of water, whether you can use a watering can or not, I try to do it very discreetly) someone with a cell phone in his hand approached me and asked me if I owned the house. My first reaction was one of caution. Who is this guy? Why is he asking me this question? It turned out that he was working for the company we hired to manage our development and he wanted me to get on the phone and talk to someone from his office. I guess he was confused and could not convey to me what he was sent to do. I gently grabbed his cell, and Susan (from the management company) explained to me that the Fire Marshall had been informed that I had branches, plants, flowers, you name it, around the fire hydrant. No need to describe my reaction and answer, of course, all within civility. The Fire Marshall, well mannered and easy to talk to (oddly enough I am not being ironic this time), told me to make sure to maintain a 7 feet clearance from the front and sides, and 4 feet 6 inches from the back of the hydrant. From my explanation he believed that there were no branches, etc. surrounding this hydrant. Therefore, no $250 fine was going to be imposed on the association for every day the "crime" was being committed by this "perpetrator". There was nothing blocking the hydrant, front or sides. But...some of my ruelias had to be chopped off, as well as three flexible branches from the hibiscus. I can imagine a big fat ass 350 lbs fireman trying to get in the back of the fire hydrant, disturbed by flimsy flower stems, 4 feet away only instead of 4 feet 6 inches, in order to connect the hose to the front of this hydrant. Wow! what a complicated maneuver to attach the hose! And to think that I always believed the easiest way to dock a hose to a fire hydrant was through the front, where the water jets out from!
By the way, there are no fat ass firemen. I was trying to make a point. If there is a job I respect is that of a fireman.
After I accomplished the killing of my flowers I was confronted with a bigger challenge...the ficus tree. Actually the tree trunk was exactly 54 inches away from the back of the hydrant, but not the pot! The pot was guilty by 3 inches.
How do you eliminate the pot without doing away with the tree? Simple, you don't. So this tired body of 66 years, with four herniated discs, got his electric saw and started sawing away. 40 minutes later the second killing came to an end. I even distributed the "remains" into three bundles, tied up and neatly placed by the bulk pick up side for Saturday. God forbid if I don't follow the rules, according to the book on that one too!
I remember, ever since I was a young man, I learned that plants have a life too
and that our planet needs to be respected and protected for if we don't we won't have a planet one day. I also remember that not all persons need to have a dog or a cat. Some could have plants. We make our choices, whatever the reasons might be. I also remember that laws were supposed to be made to protect us
and to maintain some sanity in our lives. Unfortunately, people who impose these laws, behind a desk, paper shufflers, are totally out of touch with reality
and sink in the lowest of the absurd. I can imagine what could happen if there was a law to eliminate all pets that shit all over the place and their owners do not pick up after them. Should these pets be put to death like the plants are? Of course not, that would be a criminal act! I, personally, would fine the owners. I guess there is a pronounced discrimination. A plant is dispensable. A pet is a member of the family.
Why am I so mad? Well, let's look at this scenario: Right at the entrance of my community there is family with two children. One young adolescent of about 11 years of age who walks her dog most of the times unleashed and most of the times shitting by my driveway. She does not pick up, even though she's been told many times to do it. If you call the police their answer is "We don't get involved in community problems". Too bad the political position of "Shit Marshall" does not exist yet. The other child is a 250 lbs ponytail teenager, who invites his friends to a pot-out party in front of my house where the guest parking, unfortunately, is located. The police has been called a few times, but these thugs keep coming back almost every Friday night, invited by the host thug. Before leaving they make sure to dispose of their fat-food (yes FAT, not fast) bags, right on the parking ground. Shouldn't the same spies sent by the city, every single day, to figure out how to fine law abiding citizens for 3 or 6 inches of flowers, stretching towards the back of a fire hydrant, send as well another squealer to get rid of these lower-than-insects humanoids?
2 comments:
My suggestions as a long time citizen of New York, king of the jungles...
I would find out who it was that had mentioned to the board about your bushes possibly being a hazard. Find out who he is, and where his house resides. Next, and in the spirit of being a good person who cares about his fellow neighbor, I'd check this person's lawn. Most likely, they're plants are being underwatered. Walk up to their lawn, and urinate for as long as you can. Night time feedings have been known to work better. As for the other family that take their dog to make a routine deposit on Planet Earth, I'd check their yard too. Chances are with the drought and all, that the soil needs to be renewed. A good addition of composte to the soil should work wonders. Find out the lawn, have the biggest meal you've ever had, and leave them a nice chef's surprise. Don't forget to wipe. I hear that the vinyl siding down there does a nice job.
I feel your pain.
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